When my husband was trying to get better, his anxiety was getting worse since the motorcycle accident. He was diagnosed with PTSD. Symptoms can come out of the blue but this was gradual as he was getting better physically but mentally the fight was against him. He was re-experiencing the event, out bursts of anger, avoiding conversations about the accident, anxiety, feeling things that he couldn't explain , feeling a loss of hope and control. I realized that he needed me not just being there but to hold him by the hand, love him and try to make him feel safe again.
Instead of feeling the loss of hope , I reached down in my soul and gave thanks to the Lord. I realized at that moment that the trials we faced was meant for us to bear. The loss of my father brought strength and faith when it came to my husbands accident. I did fall apart but HIS love got me to pick myself off the floor and be there for my family. It was not easy by all means but believed in HIM that we would make it through. I stood firm for my husband and for our children. The enemy sent us challenges and distractions to knock us off course but God automatically raise the shield of faith. I took that stand and it changed the outlook of my life. I felt a sense of peace. A peace that I have not felt for long time.
Let me tell you it was not easy. There were times I wanted to give and to heck with it all but I made a promise in front of God ...for better for worse .... and I meant it. We meant it.
I took my regrets and what the enemy has stolen from us and let it go. I put it out there and brought back my hopes for tomorrow. No matter what, God will restore it. I accepted God's mercy and forgiveness.
At that moment I knew, I grabbed my husbands hand and together we started this journey of discovery. He got a little better each day and took that big step of getting a new bike. He did it and I am so proud of him. Its been almost 2 years and he still struggles but he is looking up for strength and continues with it.
This is how my journey started on December 3rd 2013. A journey of self discovery toward a healthy and spiritual life style. Here is a photo me down below a few days before my father died at 254 lbs. My health was not good with stomach problems and my poor me attitude was out of control. I had enough of my attitude and changed my way of thinking. All of sudden things where coming into place.
|July 2013 at 254 lbs.|
Now at 188 lbs.
Now at 188 lbs, I am feeling great and conquering new things in my life like school, a new career and keeping my weight off and losing more. Its been an adventure and I know I have more ahead of me.
Through all of this I learned how to eat, exercise and I love being me. If you feel discouraged, there is hope. I taught myself what was good for me and what was bad and gave it up. It was not simple AT ALL. It was hard and I pushed myself when I times I didn't want to do it. I have amazing support with my husband, kids and everyone who has touched my life. Your thoughts and encouragement has been the fuel for my fire to do this.
Now to the next chapter in my and our lives.
I cant wait!